Archive | May, 2010

Hangovers

31 May

Gone are the days of drinking until I passed out or vomited – or vomiting and then passing out. 
When I was 16/17/8/19 I was invincible.  The only thing that could stop me, was a bouncer or shop keeper asking for I.D.

Here follows a diagram of a hangover

Getting old is not about getting wrinkles, having creaking joints or going grey and bald – its  all about losing that ability to drink and not suffer a hangover.

As a teenager I could continue and continue and continue drinking without having a hangover day in-day out. It  seemed to be my superhuman power.

Now however I have to spend a whole day in pain, for just several hours of enjoyment. Smart people or Yoda would say ‘why do it, if this is the case’ and my case point back to them is a mumbled ‘I dunno’

During those brief hours I really do achieve nothing – I hardly try chatting up girls – as it just turns comedic, I spend to much money and I dance (ish)  it is the only real chance we have to socialise. (unless it be a AA meeting)

Therefore, the only way to live with hangovers is to respect them; drink water before bed, eat before bed, not drink too much………………………..OK we forget the last one. however what we should do is raise a glass of alcohol and say CHEERS to hangovers – now that’s respect.

Advertisements

The next four years with Mr Cameron

16 May

I am currently 23 years of age – thus in four years time I shall be 28 (Eeek!)

why am I stating this? well that is the next time the UK will vote in the general elections (maybe)

So we have a coalition government between the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats. Now one of these parties I like, the other in my mind can shove it up their caviar spewed asshole.

 

75% of youth would agree with me, hardly anyone between 18-25 is a fan of the Tories. Though the majority of our age group like the Lib-Dems.

Now I’m not here to ramble, to try and make you make change etc.. no I’m here to tell you about the benefits of having a Tory Prime Minister.

Yes you heard correctly – you are going to hear why it is good that we have a Tory government from a person who hates what they stand for.

1) Riots

The Greece riots, have come about due to the financial crisis- apparently riots could appear within the UK for the same reason within the next four years. Who will we blame – the Tories of course. bring in new government.

(Though I sometimes feel rioting will be cool, I’m a Gandhi man by heart and would rather resolve issues via peace protests)

2) Music

Dear old Thatcher and Major – you were both of your time, you did not know what you were doing. sure some look at you 18 years in power with fond memoirs – but most remember it a bit differently & when you look back to this time they is usually a great soundtrack.

This soundtrack consists of musicians, who wanted to get their point across – nearly all musicians are to the left (honestly I cannot think of one musician with right tendencies) So between 1979-1997 we had Joy Division, The Smiths, New Order, Happy Mondays, The Stone Roses, Oasis, Blur and more – all who had songs with political, social, culture references to having a Tory government.

Though the last 13 years of Labour has given us great UK bands that will be remembered forever (umm………hang on……..they must be one………Aritic Monkeys?…maybe…well just they first album) nothing compares to the Tory Days

3) Arts

Tories hate art, especial art made after the fall of the Empire. Trust me. I studied Drama and though I realised that it was a load of BOLLOCKS the one thing that interested me was – how the Tory government of the 80’s pretty much stopped all funding for the arts. Pissing all those art-lover types off and leading to art with a political twist just like music. When labour came along in 1997 funding went back into the arts and BAM National Theatre, Tate Modern sprang out of nowhere and the population realised art was not dead. it was just kept locked up waiting for funding. Question is will this Troy government do the same, thus art going underground then springing back to life like a punch in face – I kinda hope so.

4) Youth

Like I said youth do not really like the Conservatives, they all know the stories left over from the 80’s. Think of it this way though – it is usually youth who get involved in riots, peace protests, music and other arts.  With the Lib Dems being part of the coalition, we also think we have a greater voice within government.

Now is the time for us to turn the table on those baby boomers – if we have a fantastic voice within the media, why not the government? if we are the ones that create the culture of today, why can’t we help the children of today create the culture of tomorrow?

I still have that teenage attitude of thinking the older generation suck- this fuels me to make change. like the little rebel I am.

So open a can, eat some cake and lets celebrate that the Tories are in power as it empowers us youth to get rid of them and have a better future.

The Problem with X-Men Origins: WOLVERINE

1 May

I cannot contain myself no longer- a rant about one of the worst films ever made is needed. X-Men Origins: WOLVERINE

Bad Ass Wolverine                                                      Camp Wolverine

The origin part lasted..oh… the first 5 minutes of the film. we had the realisation that James Howlett (yes his adopted name – Logan was his real father’s name) had bone claws, that sabertooth was his brother and that they are over 200 years old.

I would of rather see them both growing up during this, then the tripe of the following 2 hours. They didn’t go into the whole James realising Logan was his farther, realising that he is a freak of nature, that sabertooth is the reason he (well we would like to think) is a bad ass and that when he was first shot during the American revolution he found out that he was invincible and stayed that same Hugh Jackman age for the rest of his life!

See in one paragraph I have created a better film then any Hollywood script writer.

Instead we find ourselves in the 1960’s (though I’m pretty sure all costumes are modern dress-wear). We could of seen Wolverine with a mop-top or as the film progresses into the 70’s imagine him in flares and with an afro!

I have grown up thinking Wolverine is great and though he has a good side he always acts like a twat. (look at the first X-men for proof) Here he is a fucking bed-wetter. Ryan Reynolds steals the show as Deadpool and he only has about 5 minutes screen time. too bad during this he is stuck next to Will.i.am. You know a movie is going to be crap when a hip-hop star is involved.

Anyways so they all do some stuff as a team (Team X by the way – did Xavier just nick this idea for his men or did he buy the rights to have the X Team), then Wolverine decides he doesn’t want to be part of it because his team are killing people (!!!!!) and then he’s married, sabertooth ‘kills her’ cue embarrassing moment of Wolverine shouting NOOOOOO over her dead body. Followed by the younger version of Brian Cox turning up and saying ‘ hey would you like some metal claws’

The moment when the film entirely goes to shit is when during the procedure younger Brain Cox’s states ‘when he wakes erase his memory’. Now to my mind it would be much easier to do this at the being of the procedure – not when he has a new metal skeleton, Oh hang on cue the slow motion Wolverine rising out of the bath tub looking all mean and grrr with his fake CGI claws.

(note: They didn’t even have to have the bit about him having bone claws, some comics only have his ability to not die – thus he gets the claws implanted because he can stand the pain)

He then runs around naked for a bit to keep the girls in the audience awake. until he reaches a barn owned by a sweet old couple. Ahhhh Wolverine acts all sweet and charming – are we meant to laugh at the point he cuts up a sink, or cringe at Jackman’s crap comedic performance?? The old couple also (for some reason that can only be explained in the script writers mind) completely change his sense of fashion! I’m sure he discovered leather jackets and motorbikes way before this old couple did.

Then their dead and wolverine cry’s a little bit and kills the bloke who shot them within an action scene that on paper looks amazing, within film looks like the CGI project of a work experience boy.

So wolverine then goes and meets that hip-hop star and The Blob (meh) he then goes with the hip-hop star to meet up with Gambit. Hip-hop star dies (YAYYYYY!)

What the fuck did they do to Gambit! I loved him in the cartoon, he was street smart and he had a weird but cool dress sense – his ability was also ace. In this they make his kinetic force power look as stupid as his hair coupled with his twirling cane. For a character that in the comics can fly and travel through time, he seems to have quite a lot of trouble with climbing up a wall!

Cyclops turns up at this point for no flipping reason. Plus this then fucks up the timeline. These events happen in the 70’s so that would mean come X-men movies Scott is in his 50’s. WRONG. Patrick Stewart also turns up, as some sort of freaky CGI Botox man. He looks like a face drawn on your knee.

Gambit takes Wolverine to the secret lab via plane, Wolverine jumps out of said plane into deep water. can he float? wouldn’t the weight of metal mean that he will always drown? They don’t answer this question so we then automatically find ourselves in a mutant lab, Wolverine helps everyone escape and then gives up on killing his brother (YAWN)  and then weapon XI stands in a doorway like some poor mans Darth Maul and then they fight.

How could they kill the coolest thing in the movie – Ryan Reynolds by making him this stupid silent bald bloke. I would love for they to be a Deadpool movie – hopefully it will have nothing to do with this shite.

We then get to the bit when Wolverine loses his memory, by being shot in the head with a bullet made out of the same metal within his bones. Yet again only the scriptwriter can fathom why this makes perfect sense. What about the kid with the two different coloured eyes, who is a big part in X-Men 2 and is seen here within an ice block. why didn’t his dad just unthaw him and make him erase Wolverine’s mind. Plus he could of erased Sabertooth’s mind and it would make perfect sense to why they act as strangers in the first movie.

Thankfully its the end. If you bother to watch till the end of the credits, a little scene shows you why the whole film is crap. Wolverine is in a Japanese bar and is asked by the barmaid ‘drinking to forget’ ‘no, drinking to remember’ even Eastenders scripts are better then this.

So to sum it up Wolverine is a disappointment to fans because

A) They make Wolverine nice

B) Too many characters and a Hip-Hop star

C) Bad dialogue, bad CGI, bad plot, bad costume, bad editing, bad acting

D) They are plans for a second movie – all about Wolverine learning samurai skills in Japan (none of these skills ever turned up in the X-men films) this concept is from a cult graphic novel, thus I hope they keep to its structure then rather gearing it up into Hollywood crap. But I guess that is just a dream.

Any more comments please add