Tag Archives: thoughts

Best pub in the world :– AKA – Home

9 Aug

I am now a Londoner,

Since moving here for university in September 2006, I have spent roughly 32 months listening to planes going to & from Heathrow and resenting the fact I leave near Twickenham Stadium which on match days is a pain in the arse. 

But its the other months I want to concentrate on  (quick maths – 15 months since Sept 2006 have been spent elsewhere)

And there is only one place you would of found me – and that place is what I call home – others may call it

   THE CARLTON

Yes I do have a family within Pakefield and technically most of my possessions are within my parents house – but as soon as I get of the train, say hello to dad. My next statement is ‘Can you drop me off at the pub, please?’

Some may also say – ‘it isn’t the pub, its because your Lowestoft mates (Merry Men) are just sat in there’
But there is a reason for why they are sat in there – Its because its the bestest best pub in the land of unemployment, chavs, old people and occasional sunshine.

The facts to prove this are –

  • Great bar staff
  • We have our own corner
  • Small selection of beer (we don’t want to be overwhelmed)
  • Great alcoholics
  • Weekend party atmosphere
  • TV’s for sport
  • IT box
  • Pool & Darts
  • Live music
  • Lock-ins
  • conversation oddities

Maybe it is sad that the one building I care about more in the world is a pub……Well I don’t give one, it deserves the title and from next Wednesday until Sunday afternoon I will spend most of my hours at The Carlton’s bar or within our own Merry Men corner on the nice red comfy seats.

The Carlton needs you!

I Cannot wait!!!!

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Captain America Vs the World

6 Jul

I like Captain America. Captain_America
Not because I’m a secret American patriot – I’m a proper British gent who likes tea and the word trousers. It is because out of all the superhero legends out there – he just cannot at all fit into the modern world

The main problem is his total persona of  ‘American’ patriotism.
Now they is nothing wrong with being patriotic – I just fit into the crowd of pure cynics who cannot comprehend Americans passion and who puts it on level par with dictator celebration just to annoy them.

The siamese quads have a nice day out

Back in the days of WWII he fitted in perfectly, he helped enlist American men, he made a nation believe they could win the war and he defeated the most evil Nazi of them all (Red Skull)

Comic book-writers though, could not let him lie down his shield and retire. He appears again and again woken up from cryogenic freezing in the following decades, having to face bigger distain towards American globalisation.

Ronald McDonald is the symbol of fast food, Captain America is the symbol of Americanisation and we know how popular there are these days

This distain may go a little bit unnoticed within the USA, however with a Captain America film on the horizon, then the following ‘The Avengers’ movie- producers might have to account for how the world feels.

They can either stick to their guns, and have it 100% patriotic, leading to huge profit within the good ole’ USA but a $0.00 profit around the rest of the world.
Or they could (unlikely) have the character realise he is a national gimmick laughed at internationally, a corporate brand just like Dr Manhattan, that the fact as he stands for 100% Americanism he could gain more enemies then the Bush administration. 

Either way it will be a huge political film – debated among patriots, cynics, communist, capitalists, terrorists, geeks and it will have explosions!

Naps

27 Jun

This is a pointless blog really, because we all know how fantastic naps are.
Whether they take place mid-morning, lunchtime, on the train, at work, when you get home from work, continually throughout the day – NAPS ARE BRILLIANT.

I bet one day a scientist was caught on the job napping and instead of getting sacked he was able to get away with ‘research’ thus studies have been done stating that it can lower stress levels, increase productivity, improve memory, boosts energy and creativity as well as improves health all round. I even read that it will make you live longer!

Cats figured this out centuries ago. We state man’s best friend is the dog but in reality we want to be cats – going about our business not caring about boundaries or being told off, catching birds, staring into the vague distance like we notice something no human can comprehend and of course just sleeping all day long.
my favourite napping place is the couch. any couch seems to have the ability to make a proper nights sleep uncomfortable, but a 40min power nap an amazing life-affirming experience

couch

Many would agree with this, managers and mothers will say otherwise and will rabbit on about being a lazy, no good, wasteful cretin!

YAWN, Well I am now quite tired, 218 words is a lot and I feel like I deserve a quick nap.

Hangovers

31 May

Gone are the days of drinking until I passed out or vomited – or vomiting and then passing out. 
When I was 16/17/8/19 I was invincible.  The only thing that could stop me, was a bouncer or shop keeper asking for I.D.

Here follows a diagram of a hangover

Getting old is not about getting wrinkles, having creaking joints or going grey and bald – its  all about losing that ability to drink and not suffer a hangover.

As a teenager I could continue and continue and continue drinking without having a hangover day in-day out. It  seemed to be my superhuman power.

Now however I have to spend a whole day in pain, for just several hours of enjoyment. Smart people or Yoda would say ‘why do it, if this is the case’ and my case point back to them is a mumbled ‘I dunno’

During those brief hours I really do achieve nothing – I hardly try chatting up girls – as it just turns comedic, I spend to much money and I dance (ish)  it is the only real chance we have to socialise. (unless it be a AA meeting)

Therefore, the only way to live with hangovers is to respect them; drink water before bed, eat before bed, not drink too much………………………..OK we forget the last one. however what we should do is raise a glass of alcohol and say CHEERS to hangovers – now that’s respect.

The next four years with Mr Cameron

16 May

I am currently 23 years of age – thus in four years time I shall be 28 (Eeek!)

why am I stating this? well that is the next time the UK will vote in the general elections (maybe)

So we have a coalition government between the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats. Now one of these parties I like, the other in my mind can shove it up their caviar spewed asshole.

 

75% of youth would agree with me, hardly anyone between 18-25 is a fan of the Tories. Though the majority of our age group like the Lib-Dems.

Now I’m not here to ramble, to try and make you make change etc.. no I’m here to tell you about the benefits of having a Tory Prime Minister.

Yes you heard correctly – you are going to hear why it is good that we have a Tory government from a person who hates what they stand for.

1) Riots

The Greece riots, have come about due to the financial crisis- apparently riots could appear within the UK for the same reason within the next four years. Who will we blame – the Tories of course. bring in new government.

(Though I sometimes feel rioting will be cool, I’m a Gandhi man by heart and would rather resolve issues via peace protests)

2) Music

Dear old Thatcher and Major – you were both of your time, you did not know what you were doing. sure some look at you 18 years in power with fond memoirs – but most remember it a bit differently & when you look back to this time they is usually a great soundtrack.

This soundtrack consists of musicians, who wanted to get their point across – nearly all musicians are to the left (honestly I cannot think of one musician with right tendencies) So between 1979-1997 we had Joy Division, The Smiths, New Order, Happy Mondays, The Stone Roses, Oasis, Blur and more – all who had songs with political, social, culture references to having a Tory government.

Though the last 13 years of Labour has given us great UK bands that will be remembered forever (umm………hang on……..they must be one………Aritic Monkeys?…maybe…well just they first album) nothing compares to the Tory Days

3) Arts

Tories hate art, especial art made after the fall of the Empire. Trust me. I studied Drama and though I realised that it was a load of BOLLOCKS the one thing that interested me was – how the Tory government of the 80’s pretty much stopped all funding for the arts. Pissing all those art-lover types off and leading to art with a political twist just like music. When labour came along in 1997 funding went back into the arts and BAM National Theatre, Tate Modern sprang out of nowhere and the population realised art was not dead. it was just kept locked up waiting for funding. Question is will this Troy government do the same, thus art going underground then springing back to life like a punch in face – I kinda hope so.

4) Youth

Like I said youth do not really like the Conservatives, they all know the stories left over from the 80’s. Think of it this way though – it is usually youth who get involved in riots, peace protests, music and other arts.  With the Lib Dems being part of the coalition, we also think we have a greater voice within government.

Now is the time for us to turn the table on those baby boomers – if we have a fantastic voice within the media, why not the government? if we are the ones that create the culture of today, why can’t we help the children of today create the culture of tomorrow?

I still have that teenage attitude of thinking the older generation suck- this fuels me to make change. like the little rebel I am.

So open a can, eat some cake and lets celebrate that the Tories are in power as it empowers us youth to get rid of them and have a better future.

The Problem with X-Men Origins: WOLVERINE

1 May

I cannot contain myself no longer- a rant about one of the worst films ever made is needed. X-Men Origins: WOLVERINE

Bad Ass Wolverine                                                      Camp Wolverine

The origin part lasted..oh… the first 5 minutes of the film. we had the realisation that James Howlett (yes his adopted name – Logan was his real father’s name) had bone claws, that sabertooth was his brother and that they are over 200 years old.

I would of rather see them both growing up during this, then the tripe of the following 2 hours. They didn’t go into the whole James realising Logan was his farther, realising that he is a freak of nature, that sabertooth is the reason he (well we would like to think) is a bad ass and that when he was first shot during the American revolution he found out that he was invincible and stayed that same Hugh Jackman age for the rest of his life!

See in one paragraph I have created a better film then any Hollywood script writer.

Instead we find ourselves in the 1960’s (though I’m pretty sure all costumes are modern dress-wear). We could of seen Wolverine with a mop-top or as the film progresses into the 70’s imagine him in flares and with an afro!

I have grown up thinking Wolverine is great and though he has a good side he always acts like a twat. (look at the first X-men for proof) Here he is a fucking bed-wetter. Ryan Reynolds steals the show as Deadpool and he only has about 5 minutes screen time. too bad during this he is stuck next to Will.i.am. You know a movie is going to be crap when a hip-hop star is involved.

Anyways so they all do some stuff as a team (Team X by the way – did Xavier just nick this idea for his men or did he buy the rights to have the X Team), then Wolverine decides he doesn’t want to be part of it because his team are killing people (!!!!!) and then he’s married, sabertooth ‘kills her’ cue embarrassing moment of Wolverine shouting NOOOOOO over her dead body. Followed by the younger version of Brian Cox turning up and saying ‘ hey would you like some metal claws’

The moment when the film entirely goes to shit is when during the procedure younger Brain Cox’s states ‘when he wakes erase his memory’. Now to my mind it would be much easier to do this at the being of the procedure – not when he has a new metal skeleton, Oh hang on cue the slow motion Wolverine rising out of the bath tub looking all mean and grrr with his fake CGI claws.

(note: They didn’t even have to have the bit about him having bone claws, some comics only have his ability to not die – thus he gets the claws implanted because he can stand the pain)

He then runs around naked for a bit to keep the girls in the audience awake. until he reaches a barn owned by a sweet old couple. Ahhhh Wolverine acts all sweet and charming – are we meant to laugh at the point he cuts up a sink, or cringe at Jackman’s crap comedic performance?? The old couple also (for some reason that can only be explained in the script writers mind) completely change his sense of fashion! I’m sure he discovered leather jackets and motorbikes way before this old couple did.

Then their dead and wolverine cry’s a little bit and kills the bloke who shot them within an action scene that on paper looks amazing, within film looks like the CGI project of a work experience boy.

So wolverine then goes and meets that hip-hop star and The Blob (meh) he then goes with the hip-hop star to meet up with Gambit. Hip-hop star dies (YAYYYYY!)

What the fuck did they do to Gambit! I loved him in the cartoon, he was street smart and he had a weird but cool dress sense – his ability was also ace. In this they make his kinetic force power look as stupid as his hair coupled with his twirling cane. For a character that in the comics can fly and travel through time, he seems to have quite a lot of trouble with climbing up a wall!

Cyclops turns up at this point for no flipping reason. Plus this then fucks up the timeline. These events happen in the 70’s so that would mean come X-men movies Scott is in his 50’s. WRONG. Patrick Stewart also turns up, as some sort of freaky CGI Botox man. He looks like a face drawn on your knee.

Gambit takes Wolverine to the secret lab via plane, Wolverine jumps out of said plane into deep water. can he float? wouldn’t the weight of metal mean that he will always drown? They don’t answer this question so we then automatically find ourselves in a mutant lab, Wolverine helps everyone escape and then gives up on killing his brother (YAWN)  and then weapon XI stands in a doorway like some poor mans Darth Maul and then they fight.

How could they kill the coolest thing in the movie – Ryan Reynolds by making him this stupid silent bald bloke. I would love for they to be a Deadpool movie – hopefully it will have nothing to do with this shite.

We then get to the bit when Wolverine loses his memory, by being shot in the head with a bullet made out of the same metal within his bones. Yet again only the scriptwriter can fathom why this makes perfect sense. What about the kid with the two different coloured eyes, who is a big part in X-Men 2 and is seen here within an ice block. why didn’t his dad just unthaw him and make him erase Wolverine’s mind. Plus he could of erased Sabertooth’s mind and it would make perfect sense to why they act as strangers in the first movie.

Thankfully its the end. If you bother to watch till the end of the credits, a little scene shows you why the whole film is crap. Wolverine is in a Japanese bar and is asked by the barmaid ‘drinking to forget’ ‘no, drinking to remember’ even Eastenders scripts are better then this.

So to sum it up Wolverine is a disappointment to fans because

A) They make Wolverine nice

B) Too many characters and a Hip-Hop star

C) Bad dialogue, bad CGI, bad plot, bad costume, bad editing, bad acting

D) They are plans for a second movie – all about Wolverine learning samurai skills in Japan (none of these skills ever turned up in the X-men films) this concept is from a cult graphic novel, thus I hope they keep to its structure then rather gearing it up into Hollywood crap. But I guess that is just a dream.

Any more comments please add

Hobbies

13 Apr

Women say men are simple creatures, like dogs – give us a big enough bone and we will stay amused for hours

Due to a recent Twitter, I found out about this guy, now its not going to take you long to guess what he’s hobby is.

 

This guy has took the hobby to the extreme, so that he is no longer a man but a nerd (a different species altogether)

I am not a Nerd, no matter what you say I am not; because like many a man I have a wide variety of hobbies that change constantly. 

                                                                  Here follows Exhibit A: Mr Danny Wallace

To many this guy is a god – he is a journalist, author, script writer, produce, TV presenter, radio DJ and cult leader.

He has many a hobby, some he keeps, some he drops. but the point is he like many man (not nerd) does not stick to one thing.

This does beg the question, about why woman complain about men not sticking to relationships, or being indecisive – surely the type of man they need is a nerd. because they stick things though until they are fat, stuck living with they parents and call themselves Darth-Cranium hmmm anyways I’m going off the point here.

Danny Wallace hobbies have included – starting a cult called ‘Join Me’ in which people simply do a good thing on a Friday. – stuck to saying YES to any question or request for a several months. – try to create a country. – chased up all his old school friends. – and nearly travel around Europe following a trail of twin cities. (his girlfriend stop him, by stating it was a stupid boys project)

This is what I like doing though, stupid boys projects – its what makes us men without having to hunt down bear

Exhibit B: ME       

Current Hobbies

  • social networking: I have this blog, I have Facebook, I have Twitter, I’m on Blip, I’m on Foursquare, I have connected these all together. I’m just bloody mad for it!
  • Environmental stuff, which mostly involves social networking as well; like I said – I’m bloody mad for it!
  • Watching all the top 500 movies listed within an Empire Magazine Oct 2008 – got 108 to go.
  • I write, I try a bit of poetry, lyrics etc
  • that thing that all blokes do…..you know………that (cough)

Past Hobbies

  • I write a book, yes a whole book – not everyone knows this and I bet many of you are not reading this (well done if you have) This book is roughly 120,000 words – so a full novel. but it currently just sits within my laptop, as I don’t have a hobby in trying to get it published yet
  • I created a giant KitKat bar, using 4 KitKat chunky’s
  • I tried playing the guitar – gave up. I tried again – gave up. I tried bass guitar- gave up. I tried guitar again – I gave up
  • I tried to bring sweatbands back in fashion, gave up after a week
  • I tried to learn to cook – didn’t happen
  • try to drink 24 cans in 24 hours – fell asleep after 17
  • getting fit

Hobbies I’m thinking about

  • running the marathon (see previous bullet point)
  • biking around the North Sea (hard to explain + see the previous previous bullet point)
  • writing another book/ film script

and they must be many more in which I just think about but get pushed to the back of my head, being saved for the future.

He is another factor on why I am allowed so many hobbies – I don’t have a girlfriend who can turn round to me and say ‘its a stupid boys project’. This is the only great thing about being a single man….

does this make me a nerd??????? please comment

The Greatest Lie Ever Told

7 Apr

Pre-school was amazing, it was the only time as a boy with no female young siblings living with me, that I was able to play with girls toys: like the kitchen set or dolls.
I wasn’t the only boy doing it – we all played with the kitchen sets, whilst the girls played with guns.
Predictably it ended in us boys fighting each other with saucepans and plastic fish fingers, leaving the girls to put down their guns and teach us how to use a kitchen correctly!

 

We then moved onto Primary School – learning the basics of maths, science, other subjects and English because (Big Elephants Can Always Use Snakes Eggs) we were told it would get us further in life – and this progress in life currently meant moving up a year in September!
One day in year 4 I was placed in a chair within the school hall and told I was about to do an exam – I was excited, my first ever proper exam in which everyone had to be quiet – When it was all over, it was back to normal, I never heard what mark I got.

Then, as I was in Suffolk I moved into middle school – same story leaning stuff to get us further in life. (up a year)
but something on the horizon was important: Year 6 SAT exams.

Oh dear – it might of only been about English, Maths and Science but still these were seen as important. My whole future rested on doing good in these exams – otherwise I would end up as a dustman, milkman, postman, newspaper boy!

I did alright – by the time I was a newspaper boy and in year 9. SAT’s turned up again – this time however these results led onto what we would study in Year 10 and onto GCSE’s so these were important! well….they had nothing to do with what I studied from year 10 onwards as we made our choices before the exams – but we were still made to feel these were IMPORTANT!

So here I was studying subjects like geography, business and graphic design. Feeling like I had to try hard, as these were important for my future career – whatever that would be. Tension grew as the GCSE exams got closer – the thing is these exams were important to get into 6th Form so that we could secure our future career.

So I was then in 6th form studying subjects like geography and drama. feeling like I had to try hard, as these were important for my future career – whatever that would be. lessons were now called lectures and they was a sense of being grown up! however all this preparation for exams etc was to get into university where my future really mattered.

So i was then at university studying geography and drama (do not ask about this weird mis-mash) feeling grown up and what I was trying to learn was important for my future career – what ever it may be. Exams came and went and I ended up with a 2:2!

Whoop – now what I was promised from a young age can happen!oh…..hang on i will just get a meaningless job for a while until a better job comes along…….nope nothing…….maybe i should do more studying???

As you can guess the greatest lie ever told – is not Santa being real or yellow snow is healthy to eat

It is education. the government or should i say the labour government had a policy of ‘education, education, education’ which has led many; including myself to believe; learning had the answer to success.

Now look at us – thousands of graduates unable to find that perfect end-of-studying job. I can compare this to two people I grew up with, who have become more successful

1) is the youngest Lidi manager in Europe, has a wife, two kids, a house etc

2) owns a flat, company car, is loaded and is a plumber

both of these dropped out of study after completing their GCSE’s which I assure you haven’t been of much use within their jobs. Therefore I bought into the greatest lie ever and I sometimes wonder what if……..

Currently I’m still looking for a career job, undertaking studying and hands-on experience – something tells me I’m going to be stuck in this routine for a long time!!!

Cool

29 Mar

Ferris Bueller the Fonz, Marty Mcfly, Bill & Ted, Scott Pligrim, Samuel L Jackson
All have one thing in common. There are cool
Cool enough, that telling them that they are cool, it is uncool.
So cool, that if they were dressed as babies and admitted a love of Bananarama, they will still pull it off and be cool.

 
My issue is, and an issue that all others face in the world is –
Am I cool?
By saying this I am not cool.
 
But I think I am, my hair is great. I know all about the greatest movies and I’m in to indie and electro bands – ranging from the mainstream to underground (a terminology that I hate, it makes bands sound like some sort of mutant amphibian group that like pizza)
 
I would like everyone to know that I am cool, but that means I am not cool, so letting no one know I am cool means that I am either.
A) cool
B) uncool
C) just a being on the planet we called earth – who thinks to much and decides to write blogs about being cool (thus I am uncool) (Im uncool by the fact I keep on starting that I am either cool or uncool)
 
No wonder no one has written a scientific report on being cool.
Imagine if Einstein spent his life thinking of making himself cool. We would then not have the equation E=MC² everyone knows it, but many do not understand it (I do!!)
 
So what can I do with my predicament………….
Well when we think of cool people we know that
 
A) they know stuff and the people that are important
B) they can dress the height of fashion
C) they are also where the party is
D) ‘girls want to be with them, guys want to be them’
 
Therefore if I want to be cool I must, watch documentaries and read Wikipedia, plus network with those that are important (in every kind of field!) I must read the fashion tips in men’s magazines, go to parties and most importantly believe that I am the Fonz/ Ferris Bueller thus I can emulate them and get girls!
 
Actually that sounds like too much work, has no one realised being uncool is just pure laziness.
The kind of laziness I love.
FUCK IT – I LOVE BEING UNCOOL